HUNGRY

I am hungry, I am hungry, I am hungry. 

I am hungry for sustenance; for friends and summer and food, sleep, sex, love, depth, inspiration and connection. 

But somehow I feel like I am in just as much of a drought as the western states, dry and parched and somehow being lit on fire, from the thunder storms, rather than being quenched from the rain. 

I need a restoration of my faith, of my hope in humanity and the higher god watching over us all. 

I hold doubt too close to my heart these days and it stains my view of the world.

I feel all at once contained and scattered, unsteadied by a life that is not quite my own. 

I have so much to be grateful for, I have to remember that a view full of gratitude, of compassion, makes me a much more satisfied person.  I mean sure people still call me crazy, upon learning that I live completely off the grid and mostly without showers and laundry capabilities. Sure I bathe in the irrigation ditch, sure my living space is 16 by 12 feet measured on the outside and I share a kitchen with my brothers and my dad.

 But I have stars to look at night, and it gets so quiet up here you can really hear god, if you listen. 

I have the best dog, I could ever ask for, full of faith and delight at life with me, something I am blessed with everyday; even when it means coming back to a hot dog in a car after she’s waited for me. 

I am blessed by friends who care, who call, who actually want to share in a friendship, rather than following the motions like a plastic monopoly piece. 

I have an incredible family, one that is so unique and talented, so weird and as supportive as they know how to be, which is a lot. I find a lot of inspiration in my family
And of course there is the boy. My sweet sweetheart who I am so very grateful for. Even though we are separated by time and space and a number of other ridiculous things. He makes my life a better place. and I am so full of gratitude for his presence in my heart.

I am grateful for Norah Jones. And John Mayer.

I am hungry for something deeper than plans. 

I am hungry for something more than Ideas and thoughts.

I am hungry for doing, and feeling something full. 

I am hungry to love life. 

I am hungry to fill more than my stomach, but also my mind and my heart as well as my soul. 

I need something real to feed me. 

I am hungry.