one year
So, I'm sitting here in my kitchen in Paonia, hot water bottle tucked under my sweater to keep warm, and a million questions swirling in my heart and mind as the clock on the far wall ticks me closer and closer to another day.
This was my wonderment in a thought:
What if I only had one year to live.
What if I knew I would die on Oct 16, 2012.
How would that change my choices for today, this week, this month. What would I want to do with my last year alive?
Well see, I started thinking about it, what would I want to do with my life? No matter how much I have of it left.
And the answer, I found was pretty simple, I would want to live, live, as fully and as best as I can. Not waiting on anyone else to bring my joy to fruition, not staying in sticky situations hoping they will heal themselves, or somehow become less uncomfortable in the time I spend with my head bowed and eyes scrunched shut. Not agree to spend my time wasted. Not waist any more of my time worrying about what other people think (this is a hard one for me). Not try and apease people in my life who don't matter, actually not try and apease anyone.. because after all we are all human and all flawed, and the surest way to an un-co-dependent happiness is loving your self first an doing what your heart needs.
I started thinking about it so much, and realized how much I would have to change if I was actually in this situation. I decided that since life is short and I very easily could only have a year left of my life, that I would stop acting as if I have eternity. I decided to change my life and start living as if I only have a single year left.
I want to be a better person, more in tune with God and my heart. I want to sing out my heart, not be ashamed to feel. Dance till the skin on the bottom of my feet is gone, love fully- in full completion. - make films that impact people to think, question, and live. Travel and fill my soul with the world.
Surround myself with astounding and incredible people and tell them I love them. Show my family how much they mean to me. Create. Dance. Love. But mostly I want to live.
The urge to swing forward on the next adventure, the next leap of faith, is too strong to stop and wait,
This was my wonderment in a thought:
What if I only had one year to live.
What if I knew I would die on Oct 16, 2012.
How would that change my choices for today, this week, this month. What would I want to do with my last year alive?
Well see, I started thinking about it, what would I want to do with my life? No matter how much I have of it left.
And the answer, I found was pretty simple, I would want to live, live, as fully and as best as I can. Not waiting on anyone else to bring my joy to fruition, not staying in sticky situations hoping they will heal themselves, or somehow become less uncomfortable in the time I spend with my head bowed and eyes scrunched shut. Not agree to spend my time wasted. Not waist any more of my time worrying about what other people think (this is a hard one for me). Not try and apease people in my life who don't matter, actually not try and apease anyone.. because after all we are all human and all flawed, and the surest way to an un-co-dependent happiness is loving your self first an doing what your heart needs.
I started thinking about it so much, and realized how much I would have to change if I was actually in this situation. I decided that since life is short and I very easily could only have a year left of my life, that I would stop acting as if I have eternity. I decided to change my life and start living as if I only have a single year left.
I want to be a better person, more in tune with God and my heart. I want to sing out my heart, not be ashamed to feel. Dance till the skin on the bottom of my feet is gone, love fully- in full completion. - make films that impact people to think, question, and live. Travel and fill my soul with the world.
Surround myself with astounding and incredible people and tell them I love them. Show my family how much they mean to me. Create. Dance. Love. But mostly I want to live.
The urge to swing forward on the next adventure, the next leap of faith, is too strong to stop and wait,
