When the night has extinguished all it's lights, and the laughter has died from the wind; and the sound of love making has gone quiet and decidedly sleeping the world is again.
I am still awake.
Wrapped in the trappings of my day.  Strung with beads of hope and purpose and shame.
I am still digging in the treasure box of my heart, where pain and sorrow and joy and love all live as one; I am still reading and re-reading what we wrote together, because it is the only thing that's concrete to leave me with clues for my past and to help make a map for my future.

My head is boggled and clogged and my body feels listless and empty. I want arms to circle me and surround, strong arms that hold. But I am left alone, in the dark with my thoughts and the cold of my worn cotton sheets.

In the depth of my mind, even where there is doubt; I know without a doubt that love exists and that joy is unbounded and that sorrow comes with joy. And I know, too, that this too, like everything else in life, shall pass.

Only when I find peace enough to sleep. Faith to continue on, even through the agony, when I find hope that's where I am able to be complete. When I can let myself be vulnerable, let my heart ache and jump for joy simultaneously, when I can dance. That is when I am free.

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